Monday 16 September 2013

10 HOLIDAY DESTINATIONS ANY HORROR FAN SHOULD AVOID


Looking to book a last minute break? At Twistedwing Travel, we understand that it’s the little things that make the big difference. That’s why we’re dedicated in making your holiday special. We aim to make foreign travel accessible to all, so instead of soggy trips to the seaside, in no time at all you’ll be jetting off to the Continent for a dose of sun and fun.

With a huge collection of holidays to choose from, we’ll help you find a break that’s right for you. We don’t just give you a huge choice of holiday destinations, either. We bring you the very best destinations from around the world. So whether you’re looking for Aussie sunshine, thrills and spills in arctic Norway or a last-minute deal to the Mediterranean, we’ll take you there. Here is a selection of our finest locations.

Spain


If you’re seeking an island getaway, go for the peace and quiet of pretty Almanzora, where the stunning scenery is wrapped up in a great big warm welcome. There’s something for everyone here. If you like to explore, it offers a wealth of sights to be discovered.

Check out the piazza, the bars and the stores, all completely deserted. Walk round the cobbled streets and witness a little girl beating an old man to death with his cane, or just kick back by the harbour side, as swarms of children attack you and your boat. There’s never a dull moment. You may even be allowed to participate in one of the local traditions, an innocent game of human piñata. Child-friendly, Almanzora will make all your dreams come true (not suitable for heavily pregnant women).

Belgium


There’s a good reason you won’t have heard a lot about Belgium holidays. Belgium doesn’t like to boast. Small, beautiful and sophisticated, with a naughty glint in its eye – you can tell Audrey Hepburn was born here, and if you head for the swampy Hautes Fagnes region of Liège, you’ll probably die here. Perfect for hiking, biking and bags of fresh air, not so good if your car breaks down, or for females in general, the isolated community of animal-lovers will welcome you at the local bar with a song and a dance like you’ve never seen before – a truly memorable and haunting holiday awaits.

France


From romantic Paris to the rolling vineyards of Champagne and vast beaches of Brittany through to the sun-drenched fields of the Loire, travelling to France promises to tantalise and tickle your holiday taste buds like nowhere else. The cities may be spellbinding, but why not venture further afield at one of our rural retreats. Here, you’ll make friends to last a lifetime, and unexpected romance could certainly be on the cards.

Each property welcomes pets, especially of the cat and mouse variety, while their romantic settings could certainly go to your head. Dine at the truck-stop restaurant with a menu devoted to local produce; sip a classic Burgundy served by the neighbourly bartender, or simply step away from the cut-throat world and soak up the quiet life you probably thought was implausible.

Germany


Fairy-tale buildings nestling in pine-scented forests, beers festivals of epic proportions and an unrivalled love of David Hasselhoff aren’t the only things you’ll discover in this vibrant and varied country. Mountains, lakes and woods will get you reaching for those hiking boots, while the wildlife itself, with its stunning array of arthropods, will leave you with a lump in your throat.

A truly unique experience, holidays to Germany come in all shapes and sizes, but it’s the friendliness of the people that will capture your heart, with each member of the community coming together to make your trip so magical, helping to form the longest lasting memories.

Uruguay


One of the most economically developed countries in South America, noted for its low levels of corruption, Uruguay was ranked by Reader’s Digest as the ninth most liveable and greenest country in the world, so why not take your family and venture further afield to sample its delights?

Stay in one of our recently renovated properties, away from it all with no civilisation for hundreds of miles, a slow-paced environment with picture-perfect woodland (don’t leave your polaroid camera at home) yearning to be explored, but only if you can drag yourself away from such a beautiful cottage (even if you do, you’re sure to foolishly venture back inside pretty much straight away).     

Norway


Jotunheimen is a mountain area in southern Norway, covering an area of roughly 3,500 square kilometres, including Norway’s highest mountain Galdhøpiggen, waterfalls, rivers, lakes, glaciers, luxuriant valleys and Nazi zombies. Some of Europe’s most spectacular hiking is here, and is ideally suited for cross-country and alpine skiers, cyclists and climbers who enjoy the experience of being hunted down by the walking dead before retiring to their hotel up in the mountains.

Reopened this year but still oozing seventies charm, run by a slightly reserved gentleman whose hobbies include stalking and slashing stereotypes. Snowmobiles, pickaxes and chainsaws are supplied for your pleasure, so why not hang around (intestines provided) and enjoy the beautiful nature and blood-stained snowy landscape on offer. Optional extras include tutorials in amputation, first aid with gaffer tape and how to survive an avalanche.

Australia


A holiday in Australia will tick all the right boxes: beaches from wild and surf-pounded to gently lapped shores where the waves would barely tickle a toddler; diverse landscapes, from the immense, fire-coloured Australian outback to wondrous rainforests.

Wolf Creek National Park is another highlight where you’ll visit amazing wild forces of nature, and if you’re really lucky, a local bushman called Mick Taylor can be seen frolicking in this baron location. Partial to backpackers, passports, large knives and abandoned mining sites, the helpful little critter is best viewed from a distance, but if you do have the privilege of meeting him face to face, whatever you do, don’t drink the water.

New Zealand


New Zealand is a land of inspiring landscapes and welcoming people (the animals aren’t to be trusted) where adventure comes naturally and activities abound. We offer a complete tailor-made travel service to and around New Zealand, whether you wish to travel independently (not advisable) or as part of a group, and for the first time we are introducing a unique farming experience at Oldfield Farm, including bed and breakfast.

Watch as sheep are sheared, and then have a go yourself. Hand feed the various animals (don’t bark at them) before becoming dinner itself. Not for the faint-hearted, or for anyone with ‘sheep phobia’, what with 40 million of the blood-thirsty animals roaming the hills, this holiday is ideal for anyone interested in genetic engineering experiments that go terribly wrong, or for those keen to see whether or not sheep can work brake pedals.

Hong Kong


If you could imagine the perfect holiday you would probably conjure up blazing sunshine, riotously coloured coral reefs and sands softer and whiter than ever before, throwing in eye-popping visual delights such as mighty temples and spectacular buildings. Instead, we offer you the playground of the damned, ghosts’ bridge and an embryo tunnel. 

The forest of Hang, with its falling dead bodies and long-necked zombies is another highlight. Sucking you into the strangest of spheres, this trip of a lifetime delivers such transports of delights you’ll confine all your previous holidays to the trash, hypnotised by such a haunting locale. There certainly won’t be any time to finish that book!

Japan


From the stunning sights of Hokkaido in the temperate north to the sub-tropical islands of Okinawa in the south, the calm of Japan’s Zen temples, the majesty of its ancient castles, the peaceful beauty of Mount Fuji and the neon-lit delights of Tokyo make this one of the most rewarding destinations. Visiting unspoilt areas of natural beauty, with secluded country walks, you’ll stay in some welcoming traditional accommodation.

Even if you’re not the outdoor type, there are still plenty of activities to enjoy, from gurning competitions to hairstyling, directing your own movie to watching cursed videotapes. Or you can let your hair down and spend the day in one of the country’s many wells, visit a psychic medium and explore the neighbouring volcanic island. Whatever you decide to do, they’ll be nothing more rewarding than putting your feet up at the end of the evening to watch a bit of television (due to problems in the past, it’s advisable to always turn the gogglebox off prior to bed).

Written by Daryl Wing


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